


You just had to call the police officer "motherfucker" didn't you?

by TheLadySyk0



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Balloons, Cops, F/M, Gamzee is an idiot, Gamzee owns an el Camino, Getting stopped by the police, Jane is not a hoe, Just a funny thing i thought up at 1 am, dick cop, stop calling her a hoe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-30
Updated: 2015-01-30
Packaged: 2018-03-09 16:29:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3256682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLadySyk0/pseuds/TheLadySyk0
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Gamzee and Jane are stopped by the police.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You just had to call the police officer "motherfucker" didn't you?

**Author's Note:**

> Just something short and silly!

Gamzee Makara was driving his bright purple 1969 El Camino when he was stopped by the police. His girlfriend Jane was in the passenger seat. She groaned loudly and hid her face in her hands when she saw the sirens. She could see the officer pull up behind them from Gamzee’s rear-view mirror where a pair of giant purple fuzzy dice were hung.

“Dammit Gamzee don’t do anything stupid when he comes talk to you ok?” Jane pleaded.

Gamzee took a long drag of his cigarette and tapped some loose ashes off on the edge of the window.

“Don’t worry chica, when the fuck have I ever done anything stupid?”

The highway patrolman leisurely strode up the the side of the car with an open notepad. He had a large bushy mustache, aviator shades and a toothpick sticking out of his mouth. 

The officer did a double-take when he saw Gamzee’s clown makeup. Jane could see the man’s eyebrows climb over his shades. Jane groaned, this ALREADY wasn't going well.

“Hello….sir…” The officer greeted Gamzee.

“Sup motherfucker.” Gamzee nodded.

Jane wanted desperately wanted to explain that Gamzee meant no offense! Gosh he used “motherfucker” practically in between words! Gamzee says ‘motherfucker’ the way most people say ‘um’!

She really didn't think the officer would believe her though.

The officer squared his jaw and took out his toothpick.

“Son, do you know why I stopped you?”

Gamzee gives the officer a thoughtful look. “is it cuz' i’m a strong independent black woman?”

The officer gives Gamzee a dirty look before continuing his questioning. “So where y’all going?”

“We’re all up and going to the children’s hospital to spread miracles man.” Gamzee spreads his hands out in a rainbow motion.

The officer gives him a blank stare. “Son, are you high?”

Gamzee laughed “Nah man! I've been off the righteous bud for a good and long while now, ain't need no herb to experience miracles man.”

“yeah...Yeah...right….I’m going to ask you to get out of the car..”

Gamzee undoes his seatbelt and gets out of the car. Jane groans.

The officer motions to her as well. “Ma’m why don’t cha step out as well.”

Jane gets out of the car rather grumpily, Gamzee just had to say ‘motherfucker’ didn't he?

The officer leads gamzee to the back of the car. “Now son i’m going to have to ask you to open the trunk”

Gamzee shakes his head “Man, I can’t open that trunk”

The officer is obviously displeased “Now why not?!” he asks.

“Cuz all the balloons will up and float away brother, right up and out” Gamzee explains while wiggling his fingers in front of the officer’s forehead.

The officer is clearly not impressed. “open the trunk”

Jane chooses this time to intervene, surely if they explained rationally the officer would see reason. “Uh, yes officer? He really can’t open the trunk, you see-”

The officer raise a hand to silence her. “Missy don’t even try it, I don’t know if he’s your pimp or-”

“PIMP??” Jane gasps. Well SHUCKS BUSTER if this officer thinks he’ll get away with calling her a hoe then he is SORELY MISTAKEN!!

The officer continues “Don’t try and fool me, look at what you’re wearing!”

Jane is completely outraged at this officer’s audacity. “IT’S A CANDY STRIPER UNIFORM WE WERE GOING TO A CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL!!”

The officer is now just as mad as Jane “SIT YER ASS DOWN MISSY WHILE I TALK WITH YOUR PIMP”

Gamzee looks mildly unnerved “Bro that ain't cool, don’t call my girl a hoe…”

The officer looks ready to tear his hair out. “JUST. OPEN. THE. TRUNK.”

“That ain't a good idea bro.”

“Just. open. it. NOW” the cop hisses.

Gamzee shrugs and pulls out his car keys. “You sure about this cop-bro?’

The cop looks over his shades to glare at Gamzee. “NOW SON!!”

Gamzee shrugs, sighs and opens the trunk. Immediately purple balloons start to gracefully float out of the open trunk.

The officer’s jaw drops and his toothpick falls out of his mouth.

Gamzee watches the balloons gracefully float away over the landscape and pouts.

“Now what the hell we gonna spread miracles with at the kid hospital cop-bro?”


End file.
